“A Good Goodbye” (John 16:12-16)
Life is full of goodbyes. Children grow up and leave home, graduation happens and friends go off to college, people get married and move, workplaces close and colleagues take new jobs, summers finish and romances end, death comes and final farewells have to be said. No matter who we are, we have known “goodbye” in one form or another. Within goodbyes there runs a full range of emotions, goodbyes can be filled with joy and thanksgiving, they can be times of sorrow, there can be urgency, or fear or even exhilaration when the time comes to say “God be with you”, or goodbye.
At their best, goodbyes leave us with a grateful spirit and fond memories to cherish. At their worst, they leave us feeling angry or misunderstood, and maybe even second guessing ourselves. If we allow it, our text this morning can teach us in the art of saying goodbye. Our story this morning is part of the classic farewell address when Jesus says goodbye to his disciples.
Goodbyes, even happy goodbyes, can surprise us with twisting emotions. A little more than 40 years ago, I was a wide-eyed teenager off to New Zealand for a year’s study. I was so excited about this chance to see the world! Yet there came these times to say goodbye: to teacher and friends, to parents and family. I was only sixteen, and it’s hard to see your mom and dad cry at any age, Parents can be so embarrassing I thought. But I didn’t get it. They knew more than I did about what was happening right then. As I was making my excited preparations, there was one occasion, when a good friend said, “remember, we’re the ones being left behind”. That gave me pause and a helpful perspective. . I also remember visiting grandparents before I left, each of us thinking “when will we see each other again?” They wanted to say the kind of goodbye that recognizes it could be the last one. Tough stuff, for me as a young kid off to see the world. But I got it when my grandmother took my hand and said “Danny (She was one of two people who would call me Danny. That always got my attention – I listened closely.) , we need to say a good goodbye.”
Our reading is a powerful story. It shows us even Jesus needs to say goodbye. . This is part of the farewell discourse of Jesus, and he explains once more to the disciples that he must depart, and yet the promise is made that they will not be alone. What does it mean to say goodbye well? How does he turn pain of partings into an occasion that can redeem relationships and be filled with hope and integrity?
For us, what might it look like to say goodbye in such a way as to free those we are leaving behind to continue on vibrant with life and the potential for flourishing? John shows us that Jesus knows how to say goodbye! This passage is considered the “heart” of Jesus’ farewell. The one who speaks here speaks as no one has spoken.” This is a goodbye like no other.
What does it mean to say goodbye well? Let us look at this moment through the eyes of Jesus. As the one saying goodbye it is Jesus who takes the initiative. It would seem that Jesus’ disciples are trying to avoid the subject altogether; they prefer not to talk about it. Their anticipated pain at being alone is more than they can manage so they retreat into a place of silence.
In this difficult time, it is Jesus who takes the initiative and makes certain he talks about his leaving with the disciples. Saying goodbye is something Jesus needs to do for himself; so, he pursues a thoughtful goodbye with uncommon intentionality. For Jesus knows that hearing him say goodbye is something the disciples must experience and accept if they are to get on with life. They’ve got to hear him say it. Goodbye.
I was a huge fan of MASH. After 11 years, The final episode was titled, Goodbye, Farewell and Amen, was a perfect blend of laughter and tears. One of the things I remember was the fun Hawkeye had with BJ because BJ couldn’t say the word goodbye. So for a few weeks, Hawkeye taunted him with every possible way of saying “Goodbye, goodbye”, and in the end BJ found his own way to say it – spelling it out with bright yellow letters ten feet high. For BJ, goodbye wasn’t real – until he said it – and said it in his own way.
Notice how Jesus says goodbye: he does so in such a way as to leave his disciples hopefull. He assures them that they will not be left alone or on their own. The Spirit of truth…the Advocate…will come to be their companion .
Jesus senses the inability of his disciples to get it. They don’t grasp the truth as to who Jesus really is and what it means for him to be called Messiah. They can’t begin to understand what is about to happen to Jesus. For them, the cross remains a mystery, with death an improbability for someone called Messiah. Jesus doesn’t take his disciples off the hook by providing them with easy answers, or false promises. But he does leave them hopeful. He tells them that once he is gone another will come, the Holy Spirit, who will guide them along the way of all truth and companion with them to help speak about justice and love. It will be the Spirit that opens our eyes to God’s grace that brings us to faith. It is our faith that leads us to hope for the days ahead.
Years later the members of John’s church who are listening to this story after the fact of Jesus’ death and resurrection still struggle to get it, as do most of us. We too struggle with Jesus, don’t we? This is John’s point: it is the Holy Spirit, the Advocate, who comes to help us all to gain some understanding! John knows that if we are going to see God in Jesus and discover where God might be moving about in our life, and in the life of the church ,it won’t happen overnight. Healthy goodbyes are said in such a way as to get us through the darkness by offering the assurance that there are exciting discoveries awaiting us in a new day. Jesus wanted to help get them to this point.
So in this strange twist of a farewell address, Jesus turns his goodbye into a
Hello. He says there is more to be said. What they had thought to be the end is turning out to be the prelude to a new beginning.
New truths await them around the corner of tomorrow . Instead of being finished with their mission , their life, they are about to begin again. The best, Jesus suggests, is yet to come! The trick to hanging in there when life is about to pull the rug out from under us, in this promise of the Holy Spirit who is God with us and for us and in us—God ready to walk us into tomorrow hand in hand.
I suspect this is what healthy, God-inspired goodbyes always do. They
so capture our imagination that they leave us with new insights into what life
is really about and ready to flourish as we embrace the next chapter of our
world with unexpected enthusiasm. A Goodbye that says keep your eyes on the skies. Look up, there is more to come.
T.S. Elliot writes “To make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” Today my ministry ends here at St Martins and it will make the beginning of something new here for the Parish, and something new for me. It is a time of transition. Things are changing, things must change, but in some incredible mysterious way, the Spirit is still here and and moving us all forward. Our God is the God of first and last things, of beginnings and endings and beginnings. Our God is Alpha and Omega and Alpha!
By way of “God Be With you”, goodbye, I want to say thank you for inviting me to be pastor here. You have invited me into your lives, your homes and together we sought to worship and serve God. For all the things that helped bring the Kingdom closer, for everything that went well, Thank God. For those things, for those moments that might have been different. I’m sorry. Over this time there have been many expressions of kindness to me and my family. Thank you.
I believe, God is recognized in our midst, and there is a common, shared understanding that God is not some far away God, but rather an up close companion to us and a God who accompanies all of us, and will continue to accompany each of us in the days to come. Look and listen for the ways that God is part of sounds that come from this place. I pray that recognition continues. In everything that is done give the knowing nod to God. Anything we do well, is because God is supporting and surrounding what we do, right from the beginning.
Endings make beginnings. Worship leads to service. , go out and serve well. You are close to God’s heart, created in God’s image, make God’s love known. Being part of God’s breath, may we all go out joyfully and serve well wherever we may be. Look to the coming days with a sense of expectation and hope and unshakable sense that God is present. Go well, God bless, good bye. Amen.